If you read all the stories on the blog about Shwolf you probably could figure out that I suffered from a mild case of PTSD. I was never officially diagnosed with it because when I saw my therapist I was in an okay place. The signs were all there. When I realized what was going on I still couldn’t stop myself. If you are dealing with the fallout of a traumatic event you are the only one who can help yourself, no one else. People can give you books, tell you about their experiences, tell you to meditate, do yoga, and exercise, sure those things help, but if you’re not willing to “let it go” within yourself- It will fester inside of you burning a hole in your soul. Here’s the Tea…
A good friend of mine gave me a book called “Letting go”. The book was great! Everything made perfect sense to me. It was just at that time I was incapable of “Letting go”.
A girlfriend of mine told me to try yoga. To be honest yoga made me feel worse. It was all of these people in there meditating with no thoughts in their minds. Or at least that’s how it seemed. I would sit there on my mat and my thoughts would be racing because of all the calm around me. I was so unbalanced within myself that I wished for outside noise.
I was jealous of the people in the class that seemed to really be meditating and soaking in all the benefits of the class.
This is all bullshit, I thought to myself. I wanted to throw my water bottle at the pretentious dick next to me and tell him to stop faking his inner peace and meditating. NO ONE IS BUYING IT!!
Although I would feel calmer afterwards it never really helped me to fully feel better.
Another girlfriend of mine suggested I “Go to the ocean and leave that shit in there!”
I went to the ocean, took 5 steps in and noticed a jellyfish floating nearby. I turned around and ran. I tried to go another time and they cleared the water because two sharks came up close to the beach and were circling. Going to the ocean did nothing except show me I’m a witch. Just kidding… but seriously?! To be honest since that day I never went back to the beach….
What helped me was to realize that everything is what it is.
My thoughts, my actions, my words are all responsible for creating my reality, no one or nothing else, so if I was going to heal it would have to be on the inside first. No external factor was going to help magically heal how I felt about the shitty things that happened to me.
It was very hard. It took me a really long time to get where I am now, able to forgive and let go, but I’m here. I made it and I am a stronger, better person for it.
Where I used to always need companionship, I now enjoy my solitude. Where I used to blame others for shit that went wrong in my life, I became more accountable.
My past is my past because I needed a wake up call. I do not wish to have people from my past in my future, but I now understand why they were put in my life in the first place. #nowthatsthefuckingtea