Who’s That? Phone Bill Guy?

New Readers read: Barefoot in New Orleans, Who Exactly is This Terd, Dropping Asshole Clues, Nightmares 1,2,3, Wars 1,2, Merry Christmas Cunts 1,2 Just Coffee and Wicked Dick of the South, The Drug Mule, & Just Coffee

“What do you want from me?” he said. “CLO-SURE!” I annunciated for him and slammed my hands on the table. He laughed….  And of course to analyze him. Was he this changed wonderful man? Here’s the tea…

From a physical standpoint-NO. He looked worn down, worse than ever. Tired.

“Are you okay? Have you been eating?” I asked him. “Yeah, Kash. I’m just tired. My job is stressful. You know this.” he replied.

“What do you really want from me?” he asked. I assumed he was insinuating money or sex. I honestly wanted neither from him. I was making my own money and the sex was good, but he wasn’t Long Dong Silver or anything.

“Get over yourself. Not everyone wants something from you.” I said. “You know what you want from me.” he said.

I rolled my eyes and got up like I was going to leave. “Are you done?” I asked.

“I’m joking, sit down. “ he said. “Good, I didn’t come for Shwolf ego stroking hour.” I said.

“Looks like you’re getting enough validation from the H-O-L-E hearted lady.” I joked referring to a grammatical error on Griselda’s post that Shwolf probably wrote for her about himself. “Leave the girl alone, Kash.” he laughed.

“How are the dogs?” I asked. “They are good. How’s your family?” he asked.

“They are good.” I replied. I asked him about his even though I could honestly care less, but it was the polite thing to do.

I didn’t want to get too deep in conversation because I didn’t want to start talking about the past. That is where we always ended up.

I felt I had sufficiently analyzed him. He was the same. He was testing me. I wanted to get out of there before we started talking about past drama. I stood up to leave when he asked “Do you miss me, Kash?”

Why was he doing this in person? Why couldn’t he do it over text so I could leave him on read.

“Uhhhh… Do you miss me?” I replied. “Sometimes.” he said.

“You want to know the truth, I miss the dogs and the person I thought you were. That’s why I agreed to meet you here because I wanted to see that person for 10 minutes. Now I need to leave.” I said grabbing my purse.

“I can arrange for you to see the dogs, Kash. You just need to give me some time.” he said. My ears perked up. I wanted to see them so bad. He could see it on my face. When he said the word dogs my face probably lit up like a Christmas tree.

Now I was listening.

I’m not a stupid person, but I knew I handed him his bartering chip back in December, which made me feel dumb.

In that moment I envisioned Shwolf on a bicycle like the ‘Wicked Dick of the South’. The Wizard of Oz song playing with his stupid hat on pulling a red wagon with the dogs on the back with me chasing it, arms outstretched like a fool.

A few days later he came over to my house after work. We were supposed to go to dinner, but ended up ordering in because he was “tired”. Guess what happened? Yup. We slept together.

Mid “dinner date” he went out on the balcony and made a phone call. I assumed it was to Griselda because when I tried to go outside on my own balcony he held a finger up to wait.

He was such a slimeball and I was once again the idiot, but I was not the one in a relationship. Something about being the other, other woman excited me as horrible as it sounds. Maybe because I was the only one that knew what he was up to now… No fucking good.

I met him at a hotel across from his work, this shit hole. But it was like fulfilling some strange sex fantasy. I hated what I was doing it was so wrong. I felt bad for Griselda, but the way she mocked me, and all the shit she talked to me justified my actions in my mind. Besides it was his job to be loyal to her, not mine.

This went on the whole month of March 2017 until I finally said enough. “I want to see the dogs this weekend, please.” I said.

“I haven’t figured it out yet, Kash.” he replied. “Seriously, this excuse is getting old. Tell her you want alone time with her only– no dogs or kids- and you boarded them for a few days. Make it about her.” I said. I was shocked at myself by how quickly I spit out that malicious excuse. I looked away from him.

Fuck. I was starting to think like Shwolf. Scheme and plot. Not good.

He agreed for me to take them on Sunday for a few days. He must have thought that was a pretty good idea and was probably pissed he didn’t come up with it himself.

Sunday rolled around and Shwolf was at my house bright and early with the dogs.

I was so happy to see them! They were barking and just as excited. I tried to open the door to let them out. Shwolf had the doors locked.

“Unlock the door.” I said. “Listen to me, Kash. I’m going to let you see the dogs, but if you tell Griselda about anything that has been going on you’ll never see these dogs again. You hear me?” he said.

I was distracted when an acquaintance of mine passed us. I said hello to him and that I would be over to the pool party later.

“Who the fuck is that, the guy that pays your phone bill? Phone Bill Guy.” said Shwolf, the man living with a woman and her two kids, threatening me if I told her we were sleeping together I’d never see the dogs again. THE IRONY!

He never ceased to amaze me. “He works next door, Shwolf. Are you kidding me right now? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Let me have the dogs and go home!” I said.

We were arguing in front of the building. People were staring. “Haven’t you embarrassed me here enough?” I said. “I know you don’t mind looking like white trash, but I do.”

“WHITE TRASH! I’ve lived in every nice building and town in this state, white trash. Yeah!” he replied. I wanted to say because every woman you’ve ever lived with has kicked your ass out forcing you to move 20 times, but I just wanted him to leave.


“Just go home, Shwolf. You’re embarrassing both of us. I’m sure she wouldn’t even care if she found out, she accepts you for who you are and that’s who you are… a cheater.”

He laughed. “You’re right. I can go home and tell her myself. Tell her I made a mistake. I’m just letting you know if it comes from you, you’ll never see these dogs again. Are we clear?” he said.

Wow. That word. Mistake. It was his favorite word in the English language. “I made a mistake” will be engraved on his tombstone.

He has repeated this pattern so many times with four different women he knows exactly when they’ll stay and when they’ll leave his ass. When to mind his peas and q’s and when he can fuck around.

He knew he had her. He was so arrogant and cocky he knew she wasn’t going to leave him even if she found out.

I started to think about all the times I confronted him and he made me feel crazy. I was most likely right. That poor woman, how brain washed she must be…

He interrupted my thoughts. “ARE WE CLEAR, KASH?!”

“Yeah, now unlock the fucking door.” #nowthatsthefuckingtea


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