Barefoot in New Orleans

“YOU SENT ME A DICK PIC OF ANOTHER GUY BECAUSE I WOULDN’T LET YOU WATCH THE DOG?!?” Shwolf screamed over the phone. “YOU ARE THE MOST EVIL VINDICTIVE BITCH I HAVE EVER MET, KASH. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!!” he yelled. I was fighting back laughter. I couldn’t tell him my friend Brandon put me up to it. Hearing him yell about it made it sound way worse than I thought it was. I wanted to tell him I knew he brought someone with him to New York, but I did not feel like opening that can of worms. It was none of my business anyway, we were not together. My feelings were hurt he didn’t let me watch the dog, but I never should have sent him the picture. It was wrong. Here’s the tea…

It was getting pretty childish. I knew Shwolf, though he didn’t admit it right away, was talking to someone else. He was still playing it off like he wasn’t.

Shwolf and I went to dinner one night. It actually went pretty well, we didn’t fight, so I went back his place.

“I want to show you something. I learned something for you.” he said. I followed him into the spare bedroom. He had bought a keyboard. “Don’t watch me, I get nervous.” he said. I stood next to him as he started to play “All of me” by John Legend.

It was good. He’s no John Legend, but impressive for a guy that just bought a keyboard a week ago. “I learned that for you.” he said. I looked at him trying to resist my urge to take the keyboard and shove it up his ass.

He was so full of shit. He was playing that damn song for every piece of ass that walked into that room.

“That was soo good!! Thank you, You’re so talented, Shwolf.” I said, giving him the ego stroke he was looking for.

The poor guy didn’t even realize that if he could just be honest, control his temper and keep his dick in his pants he could actually be the great guy he pretended to be.

We had a nice dinner, so I let the fact he was playing “All of Me” for everybody and their mother slide.

I just wanted to end things peacefully.

I knew he struggled with being alone so I was happy for him regardless of who he was talking to.

I apologized for the dick pic even though it really was absolutely hysterical. I thought I was finally getting the closure I wanted from him.

He had a distraction, so he didn’t need me around as much anymore. I was totally fine with that because it gave me time to myself finally. I didn’t have to worry about him showing up at my house after I went on a date.

I was travelling with Vito and finding the part of myself I lost while being with Shwolf. I was practicing a lot of yoga and focusing on healing from our past trauma. That was my main goal at this time.

In the beginning of October 2017 Hurricane Matthew was heading for Florida. It was supposed to be a category 5, but ended up being a gust of wind. Shwolf called me to give me instructions on how to prepare. We had not really been talking as much, but it was nice to hear from him. I could tell he was concerned for me being that I’ve never been in a hurricane before.

I told him I was going to New Orleans. I wasn’t even going to be around for the hurricane.

He sounded disappointed. “Be careful there, Kash” he said before I hung up.

I had been to New Orleans a few times before this trip. For some reason I was not really motivated to work.

Friday I went to dinner and fell asleep early, so I felt I had to make up for it Saturday. I started my day early Saturday trying to get people to come into the club I was working at that evening. I met this group of guys. I was drinking with them. The next thing I knew I woke up in a house on the outskirts of New Orleans. The whole night was a blur.

When I woke up there was a woman sitting at a table peeling potatoes or some vegetable. “Good mornin’ lovely.” she said. I didn’t respond because I could not remember how I even ended up there. I was in shock. “My husband found you walking around with no shoes. He said you got robbed last night.” she said. I searched around for my things. No purse, no shoes. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

Her husband came in from outside, he saw I was awake and explained where he found me. “MY DOG!!!” I yelled and started to cry. I couldn’t remember if I had gone back to my room. I had nothing, no phone, no money, all of my cards were gone and no recollection of anything.

Thankful to even be alive, I asked him to take me back to the Intercontinental Hotel as soon as he could. His wife gave me a pair of sandals so I had shoes.

I ran into the hotel looking like a disheveled homeless person asking the concierge for a key. Everyone was staring at me. They gave me one and I ran up to my room. He was in his cage, THANK GOD! That was my first concern, everything else could be dealt with later.

I literally had nothing. A girlfriend of mine was meeting me in New Orleans Saturday. My phone and purse were stolen before I could meet with her. This was an awful feeling.

Finally, the front desk called me. The police found my purse in a parking garage close to where the man said I was robbed. When the police officer returned my purse I asked him “why the hell would they take my shoes?” “So you can’t chase after them.” he replied. Well, that was smart, but I’m not a fast runner and I was completely hammered, so I wasn’t chasing anyone–they could have at least left me my shoes.

They took everything of value out of my purse. No phone, no money, no cards. I did not want to call my mom because I did not want her to worry, so I had to call the only other person whose number I knew by heart that could help me… Shwolf. #nowthatsthefuckingtea


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