Zika Infested Wynwood: Part 1

New Readers Read: Who Exactly is this Terd, Dropping Asshole Clues, Nightmare on 7th 1,2,3–The Wars 1,2, Wicked Dick of the South, Tequila Showtime, Birthday Main Event, & KrazyKash

It was the end of August 2016. Shwolf and I had no communication for a few weeks. I was dating here and there, but nothing serious. I was enjoying my single life and I finished school. I was proud of myself because despite all the drama that happened I still managed to complete my 900 hour program. I was excited, but a part of me was sad because Shwolf had helped me pay for half of it. I thought back to when I completed level one how excited he was for me. We went out and celebrated and had a great time. Now, I was finished completely and didn’t really have anyone special to celebrate with. Against my better judgment I reached out to Shwolf to let him know I finished and thanked him for the help he gave me with my tuition. I was not really expecting a response, but instead of a “congratulations and you’re welcome” I was treated to the Smug Shwolf routine. Here’s the tea…

Shwolf could literally suck the joy out of anything. It’s his God-given talent. My excitement turned to frustration as he made me feel guilty for the fact he was alone and supposedly had no friends anymore. It was my fault. “Well, I’m sure you’ll go find some guy to celebrate with tonight.” he said.

Frustrated, and eager to change the subject I told him about some Banksy wall decals I got for my place. I had no idea how to hang them myself, so I was asking him for advice on how to do it. He was good with that kind of stuff. “Why don’t you have your man do it? he asked.

“Why is it when you women can’t find a man to do things like I can it’s the only time you call me.” he said. Confused as to how this conversation even went in this direction I tried to change the subject again.

Why do I even try to bother with this dude anymore, I thought to myself. Trying to remain positive I suggested we meet at the dog park for a play date with the dogs. Since our last encounter ended with me punching him in the face I wanted to perhaps get a nice closure day. Thank him for school, see the other dog one last time, and end things on a happy note. “I’m going out of town. I won’t be around.” he said.

“Okay well have a good trip. Let me know if you’re ever free for the dog park.” I replied. “Yeah. Ok Kash, bye!” he said, as he hung up on me.

It could have been a lot worse, but I did not lose my cool. I didn’t let his smug negative attitude get to me. My therapist would have been proud.

That same evening after work I met up with some friends in Wynwood between events.

While I was talking to one of my friends, out of my peripheral I saw the cockroach himself crawl from the corner of the bar accompanied by none other than his Ex “white trash” girlfriend. The same ex he cheated on me with in the very beginning of our relationship after telling me what a horrible piece of garbage she was. It was amusing to see them together after all the shit they talked about each other. My amusement dissipated after I thought back to a year prior and all the shit he pulled with her.

I had been texting back and forth with his ex-girlfriend for quite some time. Not that we were friends or anything, but she knew what kind of terd Shwolf was too. We would compare stories and laugh about how psychotic he was, so to see her with him all buddy, buddy was pretty shitty. Not to mention Shwolf was “OUT OF TOWN”.

My brain went into revenge mode; I had to think quick of what I could do and not end up in hand cuffs.

Option One: Beat her ass right in front of him. What a two-faced rat.

Nah. She was with him for 5 years, she’s probably still brainwashed and psychologically damaged from dating him. He probably manipulated her to visit him with his loneliness sob story. I wouldn’t feel good about increasing the size of the gap between her teeth afterwards.

Option 2: Rally these guys around me, and jump him with these dudes.

I looked around at the guys I was with. My neighbor could probably put up a good fight, but the rest of his friends looked like they were a 1950’s DooWop singing crew that time warped there. Not going to work.

Option 3: Embarrass the fuck out of him.

I was confronting them no matter what, but the way I went about it had to be just right….

I excused myself from my group and walked right up to them. “Heeyyy Shwolf! So nice to see you here!!” I said.

I think he shit his pants. The look on his face was one of pure dread because he knew what was about to happen next was going to be filed in with the rest of the Kash Klassics.  TO BE CONTINUED… #nowthatsthefuckingtea


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