Kash’s Revenge: Merry Christmas Cunts: Part 2

In his hurry to get out of my car he didn’t realize two pieces of mail fell out of his pocket. I threw them in my glove box to give to him later.

For a whole two months in October and November of 2017 Shwolf and I were “friends”. We were being civil with one another. We even talked about what happened in the past and agreed that although it was heartbreaking (more so for me) it was for the best. We continued to sleep with each other. I even wrote him a nice email in hopes he would let me see Vito sooner. Things were peaceful for awhile. I was happy. He was still a piece of garbage, but it was nice to have peace with our situation. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I am a fucking idiot. And I agree with you. I fell for it again! Here’s the tea…

I did not want to be with him, so what was I doing? I was just doing this because Griselda called me a fat bruja. I had someone in Chicago and he had a girlfriend. We were both being selfish pieces of shit. My feelings for him were pretty much gone at this point because I accepted the fact the man I met never existed. He was just a body, now with a different personality probably to better suit Griselda. He seemed more miserable now and was missing teeth.

Finally one day I just got fed up with him promising me to see Vito and not delivering. It was pointless for me. He was coming to my house, getting off and not even returning the favor. It was never like that before.  The bedroom was one place we never had a problem.

“Is everything okay with you?” I asked. “Yeah, I’m just stressed. Sorry to disappoint you, Kash! I’m just one big disappointment! I know!” he said.

I didn’t argue with him on that statement.“I just want to see Vito, Shwolf.” I began to cry. “STOP CRYING! OKAY!” he said. “I’ll work on it.”

December 8, 2017 still no Vito. I started to feel used. The sex wasn’t the same, I was over it, I just wanted to see the dog. “I don’t want to sleep with you anymore, Shwolf, but I still want to be your friend and keep things civil.” I told him. He wasn’t very happy. I was afraid I would never see Vito now.

He didn’t speak to me for a week. Typical Shwolf bullshit, but I was just glad the enchanted gnome spell he had over me was broken. It felt good to not give a shit if he was ignoring me or not, but I still wanted to see Vito.

Leverage, use it” Kunt Kash whispered in my ear as Angel Kash shook her head in disgust. A light bulb turned on in my head.

I emailed Griselda. I told her I had been speaking to Shwolf about possibly seeing the dog. At least if she knew we were talking it would create conversation about me seeing the dog. He would be afraid I would tell her we were sleeping together still if I didn’t get to see Vito.

Just like that I got Vito December 16th, 2017 for 3 days. On December 19thShwolf went to Broward County and filed an order of protection for stalking against me, but I didn’t know it yet.

In the interim I was doing my Christmas cards. I remembered how Griselda had threatened me numerous times with my 60 SW 13THST. address.

“How funny would it be if I sent Shwolf and Griselda a Christmas card?” I asked Isabella. “OMG, She’s threatened you with your address before. Do it!” she said.

I went out to my car and grabbed Shwolf’s mail out of my glove box. I put a picture of Vito and I in the card and wrote “Merry Christmas Cunts!” in the card and sent it to the address on the piece of mail.

I literally laughed for 5 days straight. “Who’s the fat bruja now?” Isabella and I joked.   This was probably going to hurt any chances of me seeing Vito again, but my friends and I were entertained and I felt like everything was even. I was ready to let it go.

I was thinking about getting another pet anyway. I just loved Vito so much, but I knew it wasn’t right for me to ask for him back and keep seeing him.


I spent Christmas in Chicago with my family. December 27th I got a phone call from a Miami police officer. He had papers for me. I was being served. There was only one person who recently threatened me with a restraining order and it was Griselda. I called up my lawyer friend and had him check the docket. Shwolf filed it.

“THAT CUNT!” I said. And told him about the card. “That is horrible timing. Call my friend and ask him what you should do.” he said.

I called his friend that practices civil law. “If you haven’t been served you can still contact him.” He said. I did not want to contact Shwolf. I was now going to tell Griselda what he has been doing behind her back on his lunch breaks. She should know first hand he likes to visit people on lunch breaks.

He filed this against me to keep me from contacting her and most likely out of spite because I did not want to sleep with him anymore.  Why would he argue with Griselda over me seeing the dog if he was not benefitting from it in someway? That just was not worth it to Shwolf, so it was easier to file a restraining order to keep his secrets safe. Forget all the friendship bullshit. He had to cover his ass. This was the last card he had to pull on me and he did it proving that he’d stop at nothing to hurt me. 

He couldn’t have possibly thought he was actually going to get it. I had a recording of him threatening to kill me, recent text messages between us, current “home videos” and phone records of incoming calls from him to me. What the fuck did he really think was going to happen? He basically was going to make us both look like assholes in the court of law.

“Hire a lawyer.” Big T said. “I’m not going to pay a lawyer when I can just walk in there and show them all this stuff!!” I said. “Kash, I know you well. You’ll end up telling this guy to go fuck himself in front of the judge and he will get this order granted. Hire a lawyer, please.” Big T was right. Shwolf did know how to press my buttons. He could potentially get a reaction out of me that would convince a judge this bullshit was true.

I bought a new dog, My baby Figaro, hired a lawyer, and swore I would never speak to that disappointment of a man again.

I didn’t even have to see him in court, Thank Goodness! CASE DISMISSED and lesson RELEARNED: Never Trust a Keebler Elf Garden Gnome. He is not your friend. He just wants to lure you back into his oak tree to steal your cookie. Keep Away!

What a dumb piece of shit, I laughed to myself as I victoriously left the courthouse. This asshole had me drive all the way out to junky ass Broward on a Tuesday morning. His plan failed and now he was going to have to go home and explain to Griselda how he did not get the order of protection against his “crazy ex-girlfriend.” To have been a fly on that wall….. Thankfully I don’t think I will ever hear from Shwolf again, because I think he knows exactly whom he is dealing with now. #nowthatsthefuckingtea

I’m tired of Shwolf… He needs a tea break. I am happy and feel a great sense of relief to get this all out there. Thank you for the support and kind words. Even after all this drama and everything he put me through I still wish him the best. He is undeniably the biggest piece of trash walking this planet, yet I hope that he can one day find a true sense of self and be true to someone.  Everyone deserves a chance to be happy, even a self sabotaging asshole like Shwolf!! I’ll be back on Friday with a Kash Klassic!

Xo, Kash


Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.