Kash’s Revenge: Merry Christmas Cunts: Part 1

People have asked me what was all the drama in the beginning of the year about with the dog Shwolf and I shared, Vito. Well, let’s fast forward quite some time to January 2018…

When Shwolf would get into conflict with people he would stand inches from the person’s face at 5’6 inches tall and say, “You have no idea who the fuck you’re dealing with.”It was always entertaining to watch guys 6’1 or 6’2 back away from him. They must have seen the sheer madness in his eyes. It was comedic gold to watch this Lollipop Guild ass midget make people back down from fighting him. Not going to lie, I admired it. Shwolf’s big issue is he thinks he is so much smarter than everyone else, so it made my revenge even sweeter. He still probably has no clue how I pulled half the shit I pulled, but one thing is for certain; He had no idea who the fuck he was dealing with. Here’s the tea….

Back in September 2017 I was in Wynwood. I saw Shwolf’s co-worker. It reminded me I needed to speak to Shwolf about some things regarding my FAFSA’s for school. I had been putting it off because he had a live in girlfriend and she hated me. He cheated on her with me earlier in the year in March and I told her about it. I was just paying it forward because his ex- girlfriend warned me about him when he cheated on me with her. If she chose to stay, which she did, God bless her!

We’ll call her… Griselda.

Dreading this phone call, I thought maybe I’d catch him out and not get him into any trouble. Hopefully he had a couple drinks in him and I could get the information I wanted easily without having to pull teeth. I called his number private because he had my number blocked. Why, I have no clue because I had no desire to call him ever, but he likes to make himself seem desirable, so blocking me for no reason made him feel better about himself I guess.

I called and Griselda picked up the phone. “Hallloww!” she said with her Latin accent. I was trying not to laugh, she sounded like Miss Swan from Mad TV.

“Heyy, Can I talk to Shwolf please?” I asked. “Whatchu want. Dees is my phone too.” She said in her broken English accent.

Here we go… I rolled my eyes, back to high school with these forty year old’s and their eighth grade mentalities. If my man ever answered my phone I’d break his fucking hand. But I understood Griselda’s purpose, I was in her place once with Shitbag Shwolf, so I knew how she felt. Plus, Shwolf liked that kind of stuff. It made him feel special that two women were verbally abusing each other over him. Fruit cake.

I thought about apologizing to her while I had her on the phone about what happened earlier in the year and explaining to her what I was calling for, but she just kept calling me a bitch (actually a beach) and threatened to come over to my place and beat me up. “60 SW. 13th St..” she kept texting me.  Which was once my address, the only issue was I had moved and didn’t live there anymore. “Okay, See ya there!” I texted her back.

I don’t even think she could understand anything I was saying anyway. I’m convinced in order for Shwolf to have a successful relationship there has to be some kind of language barrier.

The funny thing is if she would have just been like “Hey, What happened before between you two really bothers me. I don’t want you calling him. Can you please respect that.” Instead of getting all Griselda Blanco, lean like a Chola on me I probably wouldn’t have pursued the situation any further and stayed away. But she came at me entirely the wrong way. So naturally Kash got Kunty and I had to treat her frumpy dumpy little life.

A couple days went by and I texted Shwolf when I knew he was at work. I apologized for what happened over the weekend with Griselda and asked him how he was doing. He started up with his pity party drama and how I was just trying to cause problems for him, so I got straight to the point about my school stuff. I did not file taxes the year I was with him because I did not work. I needed him to vouch for me if someone from the school inquired about me not having any income. “Why the fuck should I do this for you?” he asked. “Because it’s the least you could possibly do for me.” I said.

Before I got off the phone I said “We don’t have to be enemies, what happened between us was fucked up, but can we call a truce?” I asked. He didn’t accept or deny my offer. I still didn’t understand after everything that happened how he could be upset with me. I should hate him! It blew my mind. I asked about Vito and possibly seeing him and he told me I was insane to think Griselda would ever be okay with me seeing the dog again. “I’ll see what I can do.” he said, before he hung up. He sent me a photo of Vito.

A couple weeks went by and I woke up to a barrage of emails from Griselda. “You’re a fat bruja. You look like a monster. I can’t wait to see you out. I’m going to fuck you up. Your pussy isn’t as good as mine. Shwolf doesn’t want you.”That was the basic gist of the emails, but with A LOT of grammatical errors, like she just slammed her hands and face on the keyboard and sent it. It was also 10:30AM, so I assumed they were probably all fucked up with The Sheep or some other goof balls trying to get a reaction out of me.

I just laughed. Poor lady, I thought. He’s all yours!!

I wasn’t going to say anything until she emailed me that she had a voice recording of me saying I was going to kill her children. –Okay. Time Out, I said to myself. Those words have never come out of my mouth about anyone’s children let alone hers. What was this bitch trying to do?

I called Shwolf immediately. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND? WHY IS SHE WRITING ME THESE CRAZY ASS EMAILS?” I screamed. “I don’t know just ignore it please. I’ll call you tomorrow.” he said.

I sat there annoyed. Fat Bruja? Monster? I couldn’t get Shwolf?…… Challenge accepted. She must have forgotten what a weak man she is with and the fact that she is a chunky little 4’11 monkey. Let me remind you, Griselda.

On a Monday afternoon I made my way over to Shwolf’s work. He was surprised to see me. “What the fuck is wrong with your girlfriend? What are you telling this girl about me that she’s saying I want to harm her children, Shwolf?” I asked.

“Nothing, We don’t even talk about you. Your name is forbidden in my house.” he said. I laughed. “That’s real nice.” I said and rested my head on the door of the car and looked at him.

“Don’t look at me like that.” he said. “Are you just going to stand out there in the middle of the street with a boner?” I asked. “Go home, Kash.” he said. I just sat there smiling at him.

“Go in the parking garage” he said. I drove into the parking garage of his work and he got in my car. He got on top of me. “Kash, stop. I can’t do this.” he said. “Um.. You’re on top of me Shwolf.” I replied. All he kept saying was how he couldn’t do it….. but he sure did it. In like 35 seconds. #Disappointing.

He saw the look of disappointment in my face and apologized. “It’s okay. You owe me one. I want to see Vito.” I said. Flustered, he grabbed his head. “FUCK! Why do you do this to me, Kash?” he yelled. “Do what?” I said, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

“Make it happen.” I said. He got out of my car knowing we had just fucked each other. He got off and I got leverage. #nowthatsthefuckingtea TO BE CONTINUED……



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