I wanted to go alone, but he insisted on driving me. Not because he’s a wonderful man, but to make sure I went through with it. The sight of him made my skin crawl. I asked him to just sit in the car and he said no. I can’t remember if I punched him in the mouth before or after I went in there because I was in a daze, but that definitely happened and I was not sorry. I’d do it again. Here’s the tea…
The doctor kept asking me questions. I was like a zombie. One-word answers. Tears started to fall down my face. He handed me a tissue and asked me if I was okay. “No, I’m not okay.” I wanted to ask him if he could just kill me back there, so I wouldn’t have to ride back home with Shwolf and live with this for the rest of my life, but I didn’t want to concern him anymore than he already was for me.
I walked out with the last person I wanted to be with at that time. I was broken, depleted. A zombie.
My friend Nina Kray said she was going to the Keys for a relaxing weekend. She asked me to join her because she thought it would help me take my mind off things. We were going to get massages and do girl stuff. That sounded a lot better than hanging out with Shwolf, basking in his misery all weekend. I couldn’t even bear to look at him.
“Take me home, I’m going to the Keys.” I said.
“The Keys? You just had an abortion and you’re going to go party?” he said. “I’m not going to party. I am going because I don’t want to spend the weekend with you.” I replied. “My friend and I are just going to hang out. You go ahead and make plans.” I said.
He had no problem leaving me when I needed him the most. What was the difference now?
“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU. YOU’RE HORRIBLE! YOU’RE GOING TO HANG OUT WITH GUYS AFTER THIS!” he yelled.
“What? Who said anything about guys?” I said. He was livid. He began to speed down the highway. “SLOW DOWN PSYCHO!” I screamed. “I told everyone I needed to be with you this weekend.,” he said.
“Okay, so make plans then.” I replied. All he kept saying was how I was going to the Keys to party. Oh great, I thought. This is what he is going to tell people to make himself look better. Wonderful.
We were close to the house. I couldn’t be around him anymore. “Get out, I want to drive.” I said. He carelessly pulled the car over and got out leaving his phone on the seat. I drove away not giving a shit if he made it home or not. I secretly wished a Mac truck would blow a red light and smash him into pieces while crossing the street.
DING-Text message from his mother. I noticed his phone. I looked at the screen and I scrolled up. “IF SHE WAS NORMAL SHE WOULD LET YOU KEEP THEM.” His mother had texted him while we were at the clinic.
I almost crashed my car. Now I know where the delusions come from. His mother was an absolute freak too. I wrote her the meanest, nastiest text message without even thinking about all the lies and bullshit he was probably telling her. I did not care. What an old, miserable, dumb enabling bitch I thought. Like mother, like son.
Her other son, Shwolf’s older brother called me and left me a voicemail basically telling me that this was between Shwolf and I and to leave his mother out of it. He was right. It still doesn’t make their mother any less of an enabling dick though. She was the root of this man’s severe psychiatric problem, but this really was between his asshole brother and I.
I looked up at our building. There was a dark cloud hanging over it, probably because Satan had returned to it by now. To this day I will take an alternate route to avoid even looking at the building.
“NORMAL!” “NORMAL!” NORMAL!” I was screaming down the hallway. I swung open the door of the apartment. He was there waiting for me.
“You and your mother need professional help. You’re like the Bates’” (referring to Norman and his mother) How the fuck is she going to say I’m not normal? DOES SHE KNOW YOU, SHWOLF? IS THIS EVEN YOUR REAL MOTHER???” I screamed.
“I’m her son of course she’s going to have my back.” he said.
“That’s fabulous. Get your shit and go stay in her condo then. I’ll be out by the 1stand you can come back.” I replied.
“You just want me to leave, so you can go whore around the Keys. I should have known better than taking in a stripper!” he yelled.
“Oh yeah. Well I should have known better than to date a deformed odd-looking creature like you!!! You look like you’re from hell and you’ve dragged me down here with you! Now, get the fuck out of here before I call the police.” I said.
I turned to go into the bedroom. He followed me and slammed the door into the wall making a hole. “You’re a fucking bitch!” he said, as he grabbed me and threw me on the bed. I started kicking uncontrollably. I bit him and he backed off.
“What kind of “good man” attacks a woman after she just had an abortion?” I screamed. “YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND! IM CALLING THE COPS!” I said.
I just wanted him gone. If the cops had to be the ones to take him away then so be it.
I was done with the psycho melodramatic bullshit. He was such a piece of trash. There wasn’t even a morsel of the man I met a year ago left. Just this self-pitying waste of life crying about how unfair and painful his life was because of his condition and problems that he brought upon himself.
Where was all this concern about what I could possibly be doing when he left me for a whole weekend to get fucked up with his friends?!! Now I wasn’t pregnant, so I needed to be watched again.
I called the police.
They arrived and told him to leave for a few days. He gathered a few things and left.
I was relieved. I did not even feel like going to the Keys anymore. I just wanted to rest. I was drained and I needed to start thinking about moving and getting as far away from this situation as possible. But I wasn’t thinking about moving.
As I lie in bed wide-awake thinking about everything that had transpired over the course of the–now eleven months with him, I could only think of one thing. Revenge, and how sweet it was going to be. #nowthatsthefuckingtea