New Readers refer back to “Who Exactly is this Terd?” and “Dropping Asshole Clues”
“I FUCKING HATE YOU MORE THAN I’VE EVER HATED ANYONE IN MY LIFE!” he said. The mask was completely off now. The man I met and fell in love with no longer existed. “Why? Because I’m not a doormat like your wife?” I replied. I knew that would piss him off. I could see the veins bulging out of his head. He took two big steps towards me, put his hands up like he was going to strangle me then turned around and briskly walked out of the room. I began to laugh. “Okay, Gorilla Rage! Go do some more steroids!” I yelled down the hallway. I slammed the bedroom door. “RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Shwolf ‘s steps were coming closer and closer until finally we were face to face in the room. I don’t think he even opened the door, I’m pretty sure he just Hulk smashed right through it. “Relax, you fucking neanderthal—the neighbors!” (We were on our last noise complaint warning) “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE NEIGHBORS! IM DONE WITH THIS!” he said. “Okay, I’m done too”, I said. “YOU’RE DONE? YOU’RE DONE!” he screamed. I felt both of my feet come up off the ground and he slammed me on the bed. Here’s the tea…
I could feel his fists pressing harder and harder against my temples. The look in his eyes was one I had never seen before. I began to cry. I kicked him in the leg and he released my head from his fists. “FUCK!” he said grabbing his head realizing what he had done. “You really are a crazy piece of shit.” I said. “I’m sorry, but you have no fucking respect for me. I’ve tried to do everything I can for you! It’s never good enough!” he replied. It absolutely was good enough, but he was still married and that was not changing. I don’t know what he wanted with me anymore. It certainly wasn’t a future. I wanted to leave and get my own place. Start my own life separate from him. I was tired of the lying and the games.
In his mind I could not leave him. First reason being he had not secured a replacement for me yet. Second reason, he was not done torturing me. It had only been ten months. His last girlfriend did the cycle with him for 5 years. There was no other excuse for me wanting to leave other than that I must be crazy and unbalanced. How could I want to leave such a good man? “I’ve done everything I possibly could for you. You will never find another man like me!” he said. That’s the point he was not getting. I did not want another man like him.
Before him I was financially independent. It may not have been the most respectable job, but I knew how to provide for myself. He always neglected to remember that the reason I did not have income was because he made me quit working. If he could have just dealt with it for a few months until I finished school I wouldn’t have been such a financial burden on him.
“The next man I’m with won’t be married, Shwolf.” He turned to leave the room and on his way out called me an “ungrateful bitch.” There was no other come back for him besides that or I was lazy because I refused to be his maid.
He was not upset I was leaving. He was angry because he was incapable of being alone and me moving out meant just that. He was going to have to call his ex-girlfriend now and have her come down for a weekend or two. Better yet, why not try charming Fiona, the girl he always made fun of, into dating him by buying her a pair of Louboutins. She was closer, always broke and begging for gas money. She’ll do. Now she’d certainly fall for his big money act! Then there was the immigrant waitress that barely spoke English he would go see on his lunch breaks, that was an option too. But nothing was secured yet, so I was a crazy rotten bitch for wanting to leave him so soon.
He wasted no time! I didn’t have one foot out of the door before he was villainizing me to his friends (which I didn’t really care) and grasping for anyone that would give him the time of day. It was depressing watching a man I once put on a pedestal run around in desperation to replace me before I moved out. I tried to pretend it did not hurt me, but it did.
He would barely speak to me, so I just let him be. I was counting down the days until school was over.
I was starting to get really sick. I did not want to miss any hours though. What is wrong with me? – I thought. Everyday I felt nauseous and dizzy, but I just kept going into school to get it over with.
My appetite was so selective. I usually ate chicken, salmon, vegetables and salads. All of that stuff made me gag. I wanted weird things that I did not even eat or really care for like hot dogs and breadsticks from Pizza Hut.
The day Prince had died they announced it at the school and I just started crying uncontrollably like I knew the guy personally. Prince is dead. I’m in the middle of a break up. I’m sad about these things, so naturally like any sad person would do I went to the grocery store and filled a cart with ice cream, chips, hot dogs….Where are the pickles? Not even the pickles. I just wanted to drink the juice. $150 dollars on junk food later…
Shwolf was there when I walked into the house, hands full of groceries. I started unloading the groceries in front of him. “What the hell is with all this junk food, Kash? he asked, surprised. “Leave me alone!” I said, grabbing ice cream. I walked over to the couch where I was going to sit all weekend crying, watching “Purple Rain” and drinking pickle juice.
I had no idea what was wrong with me, but it wasn’t going away. It was just stress, I thought. I was going to be fine.
Shwolf left to go touch rugs and buy more crap he didn’t need at Homegoods or something, leaving me there to think. I called my friend and told her how I was feeling. “Oh my God, You’re pregnant!” she said. My jaw dropped. There was no way. I looked at my hand holding the tollhouse cookie sandwich disgusted with myself.
While still on the phone I walked out on to the balcony and threw the rest of the ice cream to the street below. I watched it until it hit the ground. That was the first of many things to go off the balcony that month. #nowthatsthefuckingtea TO BE CONTINUED….