The Perfect Regular: Meet Dragon Ball Z

Gloomy Miami Mondays, How I feel about Mondays, Bay in miami on a gloomy Monday

Happy Monday! Mine started off chaotic. I hope yours was less irritating. Long story short I almost ran over a parking attendant in my school parking garage. WHOOPS!  Today I am introducing you to my first and favorite regular, the G.O.A.T: Dragon Ball Z. Enjoy!

The Perfect Regular

I was never big into regulars, like I mentioned before I enjoyed not talking and just sticking my hand out and asking for a dance. That was my M.O. Unfortunately some nights were slow, so I did have to sit, have a drink and talk. I had a few regular customers, but never a guy that would sit there night after night and give me money like some girls had. I would meet people and after seeing me 2-3 times would want to meet outside the club. I wasn’t about that life. Slow nights it would have been nice to have one of those customers, but when the club was packed I didn’t want to deal with one person only all night. Here’s the tea…

I did have a customer that came in to see me once a week for the first year. We’ll call him Dragon Ball Z. I liked him because he was extremely quiet and didn’t speak. Dragon Ball Z loved animae. He was white, skinny, artistic, and must’ve really liked me because whenever it was slow and I gave him a call he was there. He was young, but he always had money. I could always count on him for at least $500 every time he came in, sometimes more. He would sit there and draw Japanese animae characters in a sketch book if I was busy. I really didn’t even know much about him after knowing him for 6 months. I knew he liked animae, heavy metal, and lived in Indiana because his dad was big in the steel business.  Whenever I asked him questions it was usually one-word answers. Fine by me! I get it.

One night Dragon Ball Z came in and he said the most he’d ever said to me in eight months of knowing him. “I’m tired of coming in here to see you. I’d like you to come over to my house and hang out with me.” he said. UGH! Here we go. He lasted 8 months that was pretty good. “I don’t go outside the club, sorry.” I said. “I don’t want to do anything sexual. I just want you to come over and play video games with me.” he replied. Annoyed I said, “Yeah, I’m sure that’s all you want to do. Sorry, but I onl—“ “I’ll give you a thousand dollars to come over and play video games. I promise you I will not try anything. I don’t even try any thing in the dances!” He had a point. Dancing for him was like dancing for a quadriplegic. He literally sat on his hands and just stared at my face, then my boobs, my face, then my boobs. He was really pushing my limits, but a thousand dollars.. Come on! I’ll play some Crash Bandicoot for a stack!

“You can’t come over until my grandparents go to sleep.” he said.

You have got to be kidding me I thought. When I got there he quickly hurried me into his room. He lived in a beautiful home, his room was clean, and organized- probably by Grandma, but whatever. He handed me my money. “Do you have Crash Bandicoot, or GTA?” I asked. He quickly turned and opened a cabinet filled top to bottom with every video game that ever existed on earth. I took my top off and he just stood there. “You don’t have to do that.” He said. “It’s fine, I watch TV butt naked and I feel bad just taking your money” I said. He laughed for the first time ever. I had never even seen him smile I don’t think. He had really nice teeth. He actually wasn’t a bad looking guy he was just into dungeons and dragons and weird shit that I knew nothing about, nor had any interest. I was only supposed to stay there 2 hours, but I ended up staying for 4 hours playing GTA and watching him from my peripheral stare laser beams at my boobs. I’m not going to lie, I actually had a good time. It turned into our monthly thing.

A year had gone by and I could tell that he wanted more from me. Nothing ever happened besides video games and maybe a boob grab here and there. He’d blush and quickly take his hand back.  His confidence improved tremendously since I first met him though. He even met a girl! He called me one day and told me he met someone, she was into comic books and they were going to try and start their own animae comic book. I was so happy for him! She sounded perfect for him. “I can’t see you anymore. I don’t think she’d like it.” he said.  “Oh.” I said, surprised. I felt really sad for some reason. I rushed off the phone to gather my thoughts.

I’m really upset about this, why? This isn’t how this is supposed to work. I’m supposed to cut off this arrangement. I called him back.

“So, this whole year and a half you don’t even consider me a friend? We can’t be friends?” I asked. “I want to be more than your friend and you don’t see me like that. I can’t play video games with you forever. It’s just not fair to me.” he said. He barely spoke, but when he did his points were always valid. I wished we had more in common, but we didn’t. He was a really a good guy. It was a friend I had lost. I did not even see him as a “regular” anymore. He would text me on my birthdays and Christmas for years to follow, but eventually we lost touch completely. I knew I would never get another “regular” like him again. He was one of a kind, an actual good man amongst  terds. #nowthatsthefuckingtea

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3 thoughts on “The Perfect Regular: Meet Dragon Ball Z

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  1. Aww…

  2. I’ve had so sad “break-ups” with regulars, too. I was all about the regulars! We would mainly chat about politics and I’d bond with other diehard Republicans. #makeamericagreatagain

    1. keepingitrealwithkash|


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