To Shart or not to Shart

As many of you know I recently tried to go vegan. I went a whole month… I know! I surprised myself too. After the first two weeks I felt great! More energy, more focused, and I was even losing weight. Well, towards the end of the month I was finding it hard to find foods that satiated my hunger, so I was eating more bread to fill that void. Bread and I do not mix because it goes straight to my stomach. If it would magically go to my ass I’d eat a loaf a day. ANYWAY! In addition to the cravings I was having for chicken and fish, I also couldn’t stomach the “vegan” cheese. It was the most disgusting thing ever, but I forced myself to eat it because I thought maybe after awhile it would grow on me like grapefruit, and spinach & egg whites with no seasoning did. “I can do this”, I said! “I cut out red meat, pork, and milk 6 years ago, now it’s time to cut out the rest!”  Well here’s the tea;

What everyone neglected to tell me is when your body goes through that drastic of a diet change there may come some problems. I wasn’t hospitalized or anything, but for the first time in my life I SHARTED. It was like when I switched Figaro’s food from Eukanuba to top of the line Science Diet… His stomach went crazy! Here I was eating sweet potatoes, jackfruit, chia seeds and almond milk shitting my fucking pants in my car. I knew at that exact moment how poor Figaro felt. Thankfully no one was with me and I was close to home. How did this happen? I’ve been eating so clean and healthy– am I sick? The answer was no: I just wasn’t getting enough fiber or whatever it takes to eat to bind your boo boo to make it solid. Makes sense that the hulk smash smoothie and daily raw juices weren’t really solving my squirts. I was so embarrassed at the time, but now I feel I had to share because I was Miss Vegan Lifestyle Supreme for a month there. LOL! I then decided to still stay away from the chicken and eggs, but eat fish with rice and cheese (my beloved Whole Foods parmesan cheese block) Since my upgrade to pescatarian I haven’t crapped my pants like a toddler and feel more free to eat what I want. You don’t realize it until you try to go Vegan that cheese is fucking EVERYTHING! (Agree or disagree?) Tell me about your Vegan/vegetarian experiences. Are there supplements I should’ve been taking to prevent the epic sharting incident? Share your wisdom wise Vegans! Spill your Vegan tea!! I always see you all huddled up at Whole Foods with your dreadlocks worshipping avocados… I wanna be in the know!– just kidding. But spill the tea! #nowthatsthefuckingtea #like #followonemail #followoninstagram @keepingitrealwithkash


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