Good genie, bad genie, that is what my mom dubbed my sister Erin and I. We are undoubtedly like night and day. How could two people so closely related be so fucking different? My dad explained it by collectively taking all of our good attributes like; Erin’s social likability,”happy go lucky attitude” and my physical appearance, athleticism, and sense of humor. These were all traits from him and his gene pool! Leaving all the bad qualities like Erin’s unconscious disregard for changing her clothes even if she got a stain on them (MELVIN’S REJECTS!) and my resting bitch face, smug attitude coming from my mother’s side. This couldn’t be further from the truth, but in my father’s mind that is the undeniable explanation for it; Now here’s the tea…
I’ve never been much of a “small talker”. My mom used to call me her antisocial child. I’m just not really sure if it was because I didn’t like to talk to people I didn’t really know, or because she actually saw some antisocial personality characteristics in me at a young age. Compared to my sister Erin, who can talk about pretty much anything with anyone with a smile on her face, yes I was extremely antisocial. I’d cunningly use the excuse I didn’t wanna talk to strangers- that’s what I was always taught! But they were people that belonged to our church and school community, not some raggedy ass bum trying to lure me over with a lollipop. I’d watch my younger sister engage with people, so happy, and bubbly- why couldn’t I be like that? Why couldn’t I talk about–why the chicken crossed the road, why the sky was blue, or why the buzzard fell off the shit wagon?
I always found myself in arguments with teachers or in trouble for doing things like; coloring the earth red, maybe it is red, Mrs. E. You have no fucking clue either! Or crossing things out in my religion book that I didn’t feel were realistic (in third grade). While other kids sat and nodded while Sister C fed them a bunch of bullshit, I sat there wondering if Satan can turn himself into a slithering serpent then, Sister C. should DEFINITELY be able to grow wings and fly right out this window like the joy feasting vulture she is.. Always taking away my recess to write “I will not get up during class to sharpen my pencil.” or some other bullshit mantra 25 times… Yeah, you showed me! Thanks for making me immune to writer’s cramp, Sister C. (R.I.P.) <3 Those were the things I questioned and wanted to talk about, but no one else seemed to get it, especially then. So I would make fun of everything and people would laugh. I was the female class clown and no longer quiet. I was funny and kids liked me for that. I took my annoyance with the simplicity of everyone around me and turned into one big joke, always laughing.
I didn’t have to be bubbly and nice like Erin, she was gonna eventually get herself kidnapped with all that smiling anyway… SEE YA! I got by on being a loud, obnoxious little shit. So for those of you wondering where and how I come up with some of the things I say, in brief that’s pretty much it. I’ve been an asshole for quite some time now. Lot’s of practice. Now, I am working on reversing these habits because being an obnoxious little shit as a 29 year old woman is a hard pill for most to swallow. I’ve found that writing helps me a lot, so if nothing else comes from this blog than me being able to get out all my disrespectful, asshole thoughts then I am fine with that.
Currently not much has changed though in regards to my sister and I. She’s still the happy personable gal capable of talking about shoe laces and pottery that she’s always been and I’m still the cynical dick. Truthfully I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my sister despite our brawls back in the day. (We had some real main events at 1115.) I am so proud of her and the woman she has become. She does such a good job raising my beautiful niece, Ava! My mom calls me and tells me how much Ava reminds her of me when I was a baby. My looks and Erin’s personality. LOL! NOW THAT’S A PERFECT HUMAN!!!
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