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MENoPAUSE

I am at a stage in my life where by society’s standards I should be married with 2 kids by now, working a full time job, cooking and cleaning etc. Well, I’m not.. I have a dog that is the light of my life named Figaro (FIGGY POPPA, BAYYYBAYYY!!) and I’m single. To be completely honest– I love it. Do I get lonely sometimes… Of course. I think that’s only natural. But lonely enough to have someone disturb my peace on a daily basis. Nah….. Now here’s the tea, sis. It’s so strange that I have become this way because 5 years ago the thought of being alone made me uncomfortable. Maybe a string of failed relationships–one I fucked up and another with a full blown narcissistic sociopath– made me this way. Perhaps I grew up and now find peace in my solitude where as before I constantly needed to be surrounded by people. Whatever the case may be, here I am in a state of MENoPAUSE. I have literally put men on pause. LOL. It’s not because I’m some crazy feminist man hater. I fully support feminism, but you’ll never see me holding a sign at a women’s march. It’s not because I don’t like men and have become this muff diving lesbian savage. I still have faith in men believe it or not, I am just waiting for the right man. My geographic location (Miami, FL) may play a role in the reason why I am in MENoPAUSE. Most men down here are 5’9-5’11 and in addition to liking women, also like men. It’s a scary world down here. I feel I have three years to find the man I am looking for. That’s not to say I haven’t found characteristics of the man I want in others.. Even my ex-narcissist had qualities I wanted in a man– I’m just not certain if they were truly his qualities or qualities he knew I wanted so pretended reaaaally fucking hard to have. The world will never know and that’s a mystery not worth solving. I do have men in my life. Men that I appreciate and enjoy spending time with, but nothing serious. The longest of these “relationships” is a man I have talked to on and off for almost 5 years. He told me from the jump he is never getting married and having children. Naive me, 5 years ago thought I was capable of changing that…. Grown up me knows he is dead ass fucking serious. For some reason though it doesn’t stop me from caring about him unconditionally. It’s strange how that works. He’s pretty much told me the truth from day one and doesn’t sugar coat things, maybe because were not together he tells me he’s messing with other girls openly, never lying when I ask (but when I get upset, tells me not to ask… lol) I still respect him and care. My friends tell me I deserve better and I shouldn’t put up with someone so non-commital, but do I really deserve better? He’s pretty good to me if you take away the fact he’s an OC psycho. Let’s be honest. My taste in men is pretty shitty minus, like.. one. Ha! Is that the key to my heart besides laughter? Honesty… It’s really such a foreign concept nowadays. I truly believe that if men were just honest and truthful from the jump and didn’t hide shit and sneak around women would definitely appreciate that and be more open to other stuff. Am I wrong? Unless the guy is like “Yeah, I’m into gang bangs, I’m a crazy porn fanatic, and love whore houses.” I think a woman would be open minded in a relationship as long as it was based on honesty.. or is that just me? I’ll tell you one thing, if I find out a MF is lying to me I completely shut down and become an icy thunder cunt from hell.. I will literally plot against you while still living with you. Sleeping with the enemy, live in living color over here.. but  if he’s honest…. and I know he’s honest I almost take the ignorance is bliss route and don’t even ask. Trust me though. If I want to find something I will. All these years of watching SVU and Dateline didn’t prepare me for nothing! Thoughts, opinions, questions?!… Is total transparent honesty the modern day relationships savior? Or is there such a thing as too much honesty? #nowthatsthefuckingtea

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